The festivities, the fun, the photos, the decorations, the dinner, the delight all seem so empty without you here. This was supposed to be our first Christmas with you. We were supposed to wake up early and watch you and your brother open your very first presents. Instead we sit here with an aching in our hearts on what should be such a wonderful day. When there are celebrations to be had, there just doesn't seem like much to celebrate without you with us. When I should be holding you and feeling your soft skin, your dimpled chin and your cute little butt I am instead forced to try to feel you in everything I do. I try to feel you with every fiber of my being and know that you are in some way here with us but that doesn't help the longing to have you in my arms. We should have two "Baby's First Christmas" ornaments on the tree this year but instead, we have one "My first Christmas in Heaven" ornament. We have so many beautiful ornaments for you. I know you would love to stare at them against the shining white lights on the tree. I still can't believe that this is just the first of a lifetime full of Christmases tinged with sorrow and grief now that you're gone. We had books to be read and songs to be sung and cookies to be baked and lights to be hung. I don't want any of that. All I want is you. Everything else feels so hollow. I miss you my sweet girl. Merry Christmas, Mary!
